All For Anarchy?
by Writers of These Dimensions
Summary: An insane HP, LOTR, anime crossover with no plot and lots of torture! If you're looking for a good laugh, please read!
1. Cast List

Okay. There's a lot of characters in this fanfic, so here's a cast list to avoid any confusion! (It is in order of appearance.)  
  
~~~  
  
STARLIGHT an authoress  
  
DIANA Starlight's little cousin  
  
HARRY from the book Harry Potter  
  
HEDWIG from the book Harry Potter  
  
ALEX a friend of the authoresses  
  
TWILIGHT an authoress  
  
GIMLI from the book Lord of the Rings  
  
LEGOLAS from the book Lord of the Rings  
  
ARAGORN from the book Lord of the Rings  
  
CRYSTAL an authoress  
  
YUSUKE from the anime Yu Yu Hakusho  
  
JIN from the anime Yu Yu Hakusho  
  
HERMIONE from the book Harry Potter  
  
HIEI from the anime Yu Yu Hakusho  
  
YOUKO KURAMA from the anime Yu Yu Hakusho  
  
LEXIE an authoress  
  
SNAPE from the book Harry Potter  
  
FILCH from the book Harry Potter  
  
LITTLE BUNNY FOO FOO from the nursery rhyme Little Bunny Foo Foo  
  
CHO from the book Harry Potter  
  
VOLDEMORT from the book Harry Potter  
  
RON from the book Harry Potter  
  
PANSY PARKINSON from the book Harry Potter  
  
MALFOY from the book Harry Potter  
  
BENJIN an annoying moron  
  
KURAMA from the anime Yu Yu Hakusho  
  
KENSHIN from the anime Rurouni Kenshin  
  
KIRA from the manga Mars  
  
REI from the manga Mars  
  
KEIKO from the anime Yu Yu Hakusho  
  
LUNA LOVEGOOD from the book Harry Potter 


	2. Midgets and Anime Sweatdrops

A/N: This chapter was written by Starlight Quilltwiner, Celtic Goddess of Twilight, and Crystal Roses.  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Starlight: I am not J.K.Rowling, merely a fan of the Harry Potter series. If I were J.K.Rowling, I would use the money to give the Humane Society $1,000,000 and buy myself an art studio. And, obviously, I am not Tolkien. If I was Tolkien, I would.... SCREAM OF JOY!!!  
  
~~~  
  
Starlight: *Lies on bed, listening to Diana sing*  
  
Diana: OO-SHA-LA-LA-OO-OO-SHA-LA-LA-LA...  
  
Starlight: Diana, do you now any other words?  
  
Diana: I CAN SING!!!  
  
Starlight: Yes, I know but-  
  
Diana: OO-SHA-LA-LA-OO-OO-SHA-LA-LA-LA...  
  
Starlight: *Runs out of the room* *Returns two minutes later with duct tape*  
  
Diana: *Walks up to duct tape* Duct tape is my friend!  
  
Starlight: Diana, what I am about to do is something that seems to be a tradition with this generation in our family. Sangeeta did it to me twice, and once to you, now I shall do it to you.  
  
Diana: WHAT, WHAT, WHAT???  
  
Starlight: TIE YOU UP AND STICK YOU IN A CLOSET!!!  
  
Diana: *Laughs* OKAY! THIS SOUNDS LIKE FUN!!!  
  
Starlight: *Shakes head in pity* *Ties Diana up, sticks her in a closet, and flops onto bed* WHY IS THERE NEVER ANYTHING TO DO AROUND HERE???? *Picks up fifth Harry Potter book* *Smiles devilishly* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Meanwhile, in Harry Potter's bedroom...  
  
Harry: *Pacing around the room*  
  
Starlight: *Pops out of nowhere* BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE QUEEN OF SQUIRRELS SHALL RULE ALL!  
  
Harry: WHAT THE HE-?  
  
Starlight: *Bops Harry on the head with Twilight's imaginary wok* Now, Harry! Watch your language! Think of all the youngsters who look up to you!  
  
Harry: Who the he-?  
  
Starlight: THAT MEANS DON'T CURSE! *Roars*  
  
Alex: *Pops up* HEY! THAT'S MY ROAR! *Hisses*  
  
Starlight: *Stuffs Alex in a cardboard box, and throws the box out of the window* I've been dying to do that for ages!  
  
Harry: WHO THE...*Remembering the wok*...HECK ARE YOU?  
  
Starlight: I am the one of the authors of this story! My sole purpose is to embarrass you in front of everyone!  
  
Harry: ONE of the authors? *Faints, and falls onto a beanbag with Luna- Lovegood-patterned cloth*  
  
Twilight: *Mysteriously pops up and takes back her wok* Hi, Starlight!  
  
Starlight: YO! Wanna help me take half the characters from LOTR and put them in our time?  
  
Twilight: Why don't we put Harry in Middle Earth?  
  
Starlight: *Evil smile* Oh, no...it will be MUCH more entertaining watching Aragorn trying to learn how to use a microwave. ^-^  
  
Twilight: -_-'  
  
Starlight: LET'S GO!  
  
*Few minutes later*  
  
Starlight: WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!  
  
Twilight: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE THE HECK ARE WE?  
  
Starlight: We're in Middle Earth! I think...I hope...ANYWAY, where is the Fellowship? Hmm...*Starts thinking*  
  
Twilight: *Picks up magnet off ground* Hey, what's this? *Squints and reads* Fellowship of the Ring Superstrength Magnet?  
  
Starlight: Do you hear that?  
  
Twilight: Hear what?  
  
*Screaming in the distance, sound of dragging feet*  
  
Gimli: CURSE THAT BLASTED MAGNET!!!  
  
*Two seconds later*  
  
*Thump, thoof*  
  
*Legolas and Aragorn get pulled towards magnet*  
  
Twilight: Is this all?  
  
Starlight: For now.... ^-^ BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Legolas: *Fits arrow in bow* Release us!  
  
Starlight: Watch it! I'M ONE OF THE AUTHORESSES HERE! *Evil glare that somehow makes that bow stop working* o.O  
  
Twilight: *Glomps Legolas* I have a neighbor who says you're hot!  
  
Legolas: O_O Okay.  
  
Starlight: *GASP!* YOU SAID OKAY! YOU DON'T SAY OKAY! YOU SAY ALL RIGHT! ELVES DON'T SAY OKAY!  
  
Everyone but Starlight: -_-'  
  
Starlight: *GASP!* PEOPLE FROM MIDDLE EARTH DON'T HAVE ANIME TEARDROPS! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Crystal: *Pops up out of nowhere* IT'S AN ANIME SWEATDROP, ONNA NO KO NO BAKA!  
  
Starlight: Whateva...*Pushes Crystal away*  
  
Twilight: So, what should we do?  
  
Starlight: LET'S GO THEN! *Puts a collar on Legolas and Aragorn, smirks, grabs Gimli* WE'RE OUTTA HERE!  
  
*Back in Harry's bedroom*  
  
Harry: *Just woke up* That was a strange dre-BLOODY-  
  
Starlight: *Steals imaginary wok, bangs him on the head* *In mocking, sugarcoated voice* Remember the children, Harry!  
  
Harry: *Glares*  
  
Starlight: *Evil squirrel laugh that no one else can copy or they shall die*  
  
Everyone else, even Hedwig: O.o  
  
Legolas: "Mistress", may I take this...foul collar off my neck?  
  
Starlight: *Throws knife that somehow amazingly cuts through both collars without beheading Legolas and Aragorn*  
  
Aragorn: Where are we?  
  
Starlight: Earth, in the year of 2004!  
  
Aragorn: *Silently stares in wonder*  
  
Legolas: *Takes out knife* Take us back to Mid-  
  
Starlight: Oy, Elf boy! I know the Wielder of the Almighty Duct Tape. Don't mess with us. *Evil squirrel stare*  
  
Crystal: *Walks back in wearing an "I Love Jin" shirt* YAY FOR ANARCHY! *Cough* Yeah...-.-  
  
Twilight: *Takes wok back* STOP STEALING MY WOK! I need to make omelette.  
  
Everyone except Twilight: -_-'  
  
Starlight: AAAAAAAH! THERE YOU GO AGAIN WITH THE ANIME SWEATDROPS! *Grabs Gimli* Don't worry, midget, I will protect you.  
  
Gimli: MIDGET?! *Starts swinging ax but cannot hit Starlight because she's behind him*  
  
Crystal: Right. Anyway, the stupidity/anarchy is not complete without Yusuke. And Jin. 'Cause I say so. xD  
  
Harry: Who the he-?  
  
Crystal: Oh shut up. It's getting old.  
  
Harry: ( Grr.  
  
Crystal: *Turns to Legolas* *Glaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare* o.O  
  
Legolas: O_O  
  
Crystal: *Glaaaaaaaaare* O.o  
  
Starlight: ...Something wrong?  
  
Crystal: YES! LEGOLAS HAS TOO MANY FANGIRLS! *Grabs Legolas' shoulders and shakes him like mad* THEY SHOULD ALL BE JIN FANGIRLS, DARN YOU!!!!!!!  
  
Legolas: @.@  
  
Twilight: Onna no ko no baka, if they were, there would be too much competition!  
  
Crystal: *Looks contemplative* Hmm...  
  
Twilight: *Suddenly looks unnaturally happy* Come on peoples, let's torture the characters! =D  
  
Crystal/Starlight: =D  
  
Crystal: *Summons Yusuke 'cause he's fun to torture* ^________^  
  
Yusuke: -_-' Great. Another psycho idiot has transported me to a random fanfic.  
  
Crystal: Yup. ^-^;;  
  
Yusuke: This sucks.  
  
Crystal: O.O Shh, shh! My mom will get mad at me!  
  
Yusuke: Sucks for you. -_-'  
  
Crystal: -_- *Thwack*  
  
Yusuke: Itai...@.@  
  
Legolas/Aragorn: *VERRRYYY confused* o.O  
  
Twilight: *Smiles that Crystal is occupied with Yusuke and summons Jin* Yay Jin!  
  
Crystal: *Jin tracking device goes off* *Grabs Jin's right arm and starts pulling him away*  
  
Twilight: *Grabs Jin's left arm* He's mine, I say!  
  
Twilight/Crystal: *Start playing tug of war*  
  
Jin: OW!  
  
Starlight: I CALL DIBS ON TORTURING KUWABARA!  
  
Legolas: And why, may I ask, are you torturing these men?  
  
Starlight: CURSE YOU, DON'T ASK QUESTIONS!  
  
Aragorn: Stop at once!  
  
Starlight: Why?  
  
Aragorn: Do you question King of Gondor, girl?  
  
Starlight: Yes, I do.  
  
Aragorn: How dare you?!  
  
Twilight: Wheeeeeee! *Jumps behind Aragorn and pulls down his ears*  
  
Starlight: *Shakes head* I'm going to torture Harry....  
  
Harry: Shoot. I thought you forgot I was here.  
  
Starlight: Keep on dreamin', hun.  
  
Twilight: Did she just call him hun? O.o  
  
Crystal: Yeah. Scaryyy. *Shivers* Anyway, I call dibs on Jin.  
  
Jin: Please spare me! O.O  
  
Crystal: Not to torture you! If anyone touches you, they die. *Hisssssss*  
  
Twilight: I didn't know you were a snake, Crystal.  
  
Starlight: *Stops time for everyone except for the real people* We need a plot.  
  
Twilight: Plot?  
  
Starlight: Story plot, baka ningen.  
  
Twilight: Bingo, bingo, you win the prize. I am an onna no ko no baka!  
  
Starlight: Twilight, you have my pity. 


	3. The Evil Sheep of Doom

A/N: This chapter was written by Crystal Roses, Celtic Goddess of Twilight, Starlight Quilltwiner, and Mystic Tears.  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Crystal: We own nothing but our minds. And we lost those long ago. *Shakes head sadly*  
  
~~~  
  
Crystal: *Floating around the ceiling with Jin* You and I have a lot in common.  
  
Jin: *Raises an eyebrow* Ey?  
  
Crystal: Yup. I'm Irish too.  
  
Twilight: WHO CARES?  
  
Crystal: ME! *Hissssss*  
  
Twilight: -_- Snake...  
  
Crystal: I'm probably the only other Irish person here.  
  
Twilight: Anti-bingo, anti-bingo, you lost the prize! I am part Irish! MUAHAHAHA!  
  
Crystal:NOOOOOOOO! Oh well, I'm much more Irish than you. =D And I am the Wind Elemental. HA! BEAT THAT, BAKA!  
  
Twilight: -_- I hate you. *Runs away to plot Crystal's destruction*  
  
Hermione: *Walks in, her nose in a book* Harry, you didn't do your...*Looks up* o.O Who are all these people?  
  
Crystal: *Floats around, following Jin*  
  
Jin: *Looks slightly disturbed* Why are you following me?  
  
Crystal: 'Cause I'm a rabid fangirl.  
  
Twilight: HA! I have a solution! *Somehow floats up to Crystal* You're not supposed to talk about that, and I have something even better than that!  
  
Crystal: Yeah, what?  
  
Twilight: =D *Brings imaginary wok down on Crystal's head*  
  
Crystal: *Floats to the floor like a leaf (in circles and stuff)* *Revives self* Grr. The evil fuzzy bunnies possessed me again...*Mutters curses under breath* *Looks up at a VERY disturbed Jin and blushes like mad* I didn't mean what I said! I mean I said what I mean, but...  
  
Jin: Er...forget about it. ^-^;;  
  
Crystal: ^-^;;  
  
Hermoine: -_-' No one answered me.  
  
Harry: That's because I don't know...exactly...o.O  
  
Alex: Time for an anti-depressant! Even though I don't need one 'cause I'm high on caffeine. o.O *Secretly pulls out Happy Rock*  
  
Crystal: *Happy Rock tracking device goes off* HAPPY ROCK!!  
  
Alex: @.@ Darn you...  
  
Everyone but the real life people: Um...?  
  
Crystal: It's the Happy Rock. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You can't believe it 'till you try it! It's addictive too.  
  
Everyone else: o.O Er...  
  
Twilight: *Grabs happy rock*I feel...peculiar all over...I'm...HAPPY!!  
  
Everyone else: *Follows suit*  
  
Twilight: Just to see what would happen...  
  
Hiei: *Poofs out of nowhere* -BLEEP-?!  
  
Twilight: *Stuffs happy rock into his hand*  
  
Hiei: NOOOOO! Stop it! No! I'm...happy! WHEEEEEEEEEE! *Starts running around with his super speed*  
  
Twilight: Maybe I shouldn't have let him have the happy rock.  
  
Starlight: O.o whatever. I have my own happy rock. Actually, I have a whole bowl of them!  
  
Crystal: NUH-UH! THEY'RE IMPOSTERS!  
  
Starlight: You think that...anyways. Let's take these guys to Hogwarts.  
  
Harry: Erm, we ARE at Hogwarts.  
  
Starlight: O.o I KNEW THAT! I WAS JUST...TESTING YOU! Anyway, time for classy!  
  
Harry: But we don't have another class for twenty minutes!  
  
Starlight: *Bops Harry with imaginary wok*  
  
Twilight: STOP STEALING MY WOK! MY WOK! ALL MINE! Besides, I want an omelet!  
  
Starlight: Great for you. Now, Harry, you don't want to be late for class!  
  
Aragorn: And what of us?  
  
Starlight: XD Oh, you're coming too. I enrolled you in Hogwarts! You're sixteen now. *Looks at Legolas, starts to roll on the floor laughing*  
  
Legolas: What?!  
  
Twilight: *Starts making an omelet that smells reeeeeeeeeeeeally appetizing...somehow*  
  
Youko Kurama: *Silently steals the omelet and disappears*  
  
Twilight: Lalalalala...*Looks at her wok* O_O! AH! MY YUMMY OMELETTE IS GONE!  
  
Crystal/Alex: *Patpat*  
  
Twilight: -_- Go away.  
  
Alex: *Hits Sheila on the head, makes her hair all greasy feeling and stuff*  
  
Sheila: STOP IT!  
  
Alex: YEESH! *Hits Sheila's eye with plastic baseball bat*  
  
Sheila: STOP IT!  
  
Alex: YEEEEESH! YOU'RE SO WEIRRRRRRRRRRRRD!  
  
Crystal: AND YOU STOLE MY PENNAME!  
  
Starlight: DID NOT!  
  
Crystal: DID TOO!  
  
Starlight: *Shakes head* Think what you must...  
  
Crystal: *Goes off muttering a bunch of weird things*  
  
Lexie: OOOOOOH! Hermione, I need your help. I need a...oh, never mind! *Closes eyes and a wand pops into her hand* HEY OVER HERE, PROFESSOR SNAPE!  
  
Snape: Tsk, tsk, twenty points from Gryffindor for all this *Gets bopped on head by Lexie, who created a big mallet*  
  
Lexie: BEWARE MY WRATH, SNAPE! YOU ARE OFFICIALLY THE NEXT VICTIM OF THE EVIL SHEEP OF DOOM!!!*pulls out sheep medalion*  
  
Snape: Spare me, spare me, kind and fair Lexie, ruler of all the world! A hundred points to Gryffindor for having you in their house! *Grovels at Lexie's feet*  
  
Starlight: Ooooh, I want to kill Snape, too!  
  
Lexie: NOPE! He's taken! I will now inflict on him all forms of medieval torture. HEhehe! *Rubs hands slyly* Or, better yet, I CALL DIBS ON FILCH!!  
  
Filch: It's the girl with the sheep that ate Mrs. Norris! DIE, GIRLY, DIE!  
  
Lexie: *Headbutts Filch* Take a hundred points from Slytherin! *Headbutts Snape, and examines his hair* Snape, you need to shower more often...  
  
Filch: I take a hundred points from Slytherin for not groveling at your feet! *Grovels at Lexie's feet*  
  
Lexie: Oooooh, Hermione, isn't this fun!! And here comes...Little Bunny Foo Foo!  
  
Everyone: Little Bunny Foo Foo???  
  
Lexie: *Hovering in air* Yes. Little Bunny Foo Foo! C'mere! And now...*Turns Snape and Filch into meecy mice*  
  
Little Bunny Foo Foo: Little bitty mee--ee, hoppin' through the for--oh, look, meecy mice! *Bops them on head, and knocks them out* That was fun!  
  
Starlight: I call dibs on...  
  
Lexie: I get Voldemort!!!  
  
Starlight: Hey, no you...*Lexie hold up evil sheep of doom menacingly* Okay, do whatever you want!!  
  
Lexie: Okay!! Here's two people, Cho...*Cho appears behind Harry* And Voldemort! But, first, he'll have to come with no wand! *Voldemort pops up in front of them*  
  
Harry: Voldemort! Get behind me, Cho!  
  
Cho: Oh, Harry, My hero! *SMOOCH*  
  
Harry: *Faints*  
  
Lexie: Phooey. I wanted Harry. Oh, well! RIDIKULUS! *casts spell at Voldemort*  
  
Voldemort: *In tutu and pink leotard, with pink pinty had and makeup* We represent the Lullaby League, the Lullaby League, the Lullaby League. And in the name of the Lullaby Leeaague, we wish to welcome you to munchkin land! *Pirouettes, and bows*  
  
Lexie: *Winces* Okay, now that is scarier than before! Do it again! *Grabs remote and rewinds, and watches fifty times before Harry wakes up*  
  
Harry: What the he--*Eyes wok suspiciously, which is now full of omelettes* heck...AAH! *Sees Voldemort and Barfs*  
  
Lexie: Cho, lick that up! *Cho cleans up the puke* Now, Harry...*Looks at Harry and grins*  
  
Harry: Help!!! *Suddenly is also wearing a pink tutu and leotard, and is dancing with Voldemort*  
  
Lexie: *Giggles madly* Legolas, Aragorn, Jin, Hiei, Gimli, Yusuke, all the guys in this room, I now declare you all officially GAY! *All are magically wearing pink tutus, leotards, and makeup, and start doing the cancan*  
  
Crystal/Twilight: JIIIIN!  
  
Cho/Hermione: HAARRRYYYY!  
  
Starlight: OKAY, ENOUGH WITH THE ANARCHY!! LEXIE, GO AWAY!!!  
  
Lexie: *Flicks wand and everyone is wearing Hogwarts robes, the teachers are back in place, and all the anime people are back in the other fanfictions* Okay, now, it's time for Herbology!  
  
Legolas: Here's a few questions:  
  
1) Why was I wearing a tutu and leotard?  
  
2) What precisely is a wok?  
  
3) Who is the person who called me gay?  
  
4) Who is Little Bunny Foo Foo?  
  
5) Can I kill Lexie?  
  
6) Where's the toliet?  
  
Lexie: Stupid idiot!! You're a fictional character! Fictional characters never have to go potty! Also, I would imagine that since you're an elf, you just go behind the nearest bit of vegetation! As to the other questions...  
  
1) You were wearing a tutu and leotard for my entertainment.  
  
2) A wok is a big, heavy oriental frying pan that hurts, like so. *Hits legolas on the head with the wok, and now the ommelette is all over him*  
  
3) Me!!  
  
4) Little Bunny Foo Foo is my boyfriend, and don't you dare dis him!!!  
  
5) No! Well, you can try!  
  
Legolas: *Shoots arrow at Lexie*  
  
Lexie: *Turns the arrow into a feather and tickles Legolas until her kisses her feet*  
  
Legolas: DISGUSTING!! *Rinses mouth* Ooh, Listerine! *Throws dagger*  
  
Lexie: GIVE ME THE LISTERINE!!! *Grabs dagger and cuts Legolas's hair*  
  
Legolas: MY HAIR!! WAAAHHHH!! *Cries like a baby*  
  
Lexie:*Blows a raspberry* I hate everyone here! AT least all the fictional characters! We need some romance! Foo Foo! *Starts making out with Little Bunny Foo Foo* Ohh, I love this fanfiction!  
  
Legolas: That's not right. Save the giant pink rabbit from the insane girl! *Pulls away Foo Foo* *Gets bopped on the head* It's still not right!  
  
Harry: Let's join them, Cho!  
  
Cho: Let's not, baka ningen!! *Grabs the wok and bangs Harry on the head* *Disappears from the fanfic*  
  
Harry: *Looks at Hermione and raises eyebrows twice*  
  
Hermione: No way! RON! HARRY'S ABOUT TO MAKE A MOVE ON ME!!  
  
Ron: HARRY!! *Swings in on vine and kills Harry*  
  
Lexie: Okay, Foo Foo! I want to go kill people! *Kills everyone in the fanfic* This is boring. Let's start over again! This time, more ANARCHY!!  
  
Starlight: Okay! Let's take these guys to Defense Against the Dark Arts!  
  
Harry: Okay...  
  
Ron: BLOODY...  
  
Starlight: *Grabs wok and hits Ron on the head*  
  
Ron: OUCH! What was that for?  
  
Starlight: Oh, never mind, Crystal would kill me if I said what...anywho, let's go! And Harry, you're supposed to be dead!  
  
Ron: *Mumbles* That's what I was gonna say...  
  
Legolas: What is this class you speak of?  
  
Starlight: *Winces* Ugh...I needa fix your hair...*Death glare at Lexie*  
  
Lexie: *Brings out the Evil Sheep of Doom*  
  
Starlight: *Brings out the Evil Strawberry Squirrel*  
  
Lexie: FEAR MY WRATH, SQUIRREL!  
  
Squirrel: *Squeaks in attempt to laugh*  
  
Clair: *Shakes her head in pity* Squirrels these days...a disgrace...  
  
Starlight: RAWR! LET'S GET TO CLASS! Oh, and...uh...*Waves wand that makes Legolas's hair back to normal* That's MUCH better...though I DO wonder what he looks like with neon pink hair...  
  
Lexie: BWAHAHAHAHA...Queen of Squirrels, thou has given the Evil Sheep of Doom an idea!  
  
Starlight: *Mock scared voice* Oh-no-please-help...Oh shoot, you mean Legolas's hair, don't you?  
  
Lexie: *Gives the Evil Sheep of Doom stare*  
  
Starlight: *Grins* I gotta get my camera...anyway, LETSGOBEFOREANYONESAYSANOTHERWORD!!!!  
  
~~~Later in class~~~  
  
Harry: I wonder who our teacher is this time...  
  
Ron: Are you a ghost?  
  
Harry: O.o No. That Lexie twit brought me back to life, remember?  
  
Big, booming voice that comes outta nowhere: HELLO, STUDENTS!!!  
  
Students: O.o  
  
Big, Booming Voice: ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF...  
  
Ron: Where have I heard that before?  
  
Hermione/Harry/Ron: *Smirk*  
  
Starlight: *Steps outta nowhere* ME!!!  
  
Harry/Ron: O.o MEEEEEP!  
  
Starlight: Ten points off of Gryffindor for Harry and Ron saying "Meep"! STORY CHARACERS DON'T SAY "MEEP"!  
  
Harry/Ron: O.o  
  
Starlight: NEITHER DO THEY MAKE O.o EYES!!!  
  
Harry/Ron: *Hide under table*  
  
Starlight: On with the class, allow me to introduce three new students!  
  
*Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn are suddenly standing in the middle of the classroom*  
  
Gimli: Look here, lass! Return us to the land to which we belong! My axe shall be willing to strike if-  
  
Starlight: LET'S HAVE THEM INTRODUCE THEMSELVES, AND THEN SAY THEIR FAVORITE BALLET!  
  
Gimli: Gimli, son of Gloin, at your service. *Bows* What is this ballet you speak of?  
  
Starlight: Wow! I've never heard of that one before! Let's hear from the ditzy blonde, next!  
  
Legolas: I am Legolas, son of Thandruil. As for this ballet, I know nothing of it...  
  
Starlight: Wow! I've never heard of that one either, but it must be great!  
  
Aragorn: I, Aragorn, King of Gondor, demand you to tell us what this "ballet" is!  
  
Starlight: Oh, gosh, there are so many ballets I haven't seen! But I'm pretty sure they aren't in Ballet Weekly...*Checks "Ballet Weekly" magazine*  
  
Pansy Parkinson: I will show you what ballet is! *Bats eyelashes at Legolas* *Giggles a REALLY girly giggle* *Dances like an overweight elephant*  
  
Starlight: Twenty points off of Slytherin!  
  
Slytherins: WHAT?!?!  
  
Pansy: What? But...why?  
  
Starlight: For you, my...dear...*Shudders* You are putting us all in danger of becoming blind!  
  
Pansy: No I'm not!!!  
  
Starlight: Yes, you are! You danced, therefore made us all nearly blind! For raising your voice at the teacher, I shall schedule you in for detention, where you shall clean ALL of my shoes. USING ELBOW GREASE!!!  
  
Pansy: But...that's not fair! I bet you're just saying that...because...because...YOU'RE A FASHION FREAK!  
  
Starlight: *Laughs* Oh no, of course not! I'm doing it to see what you smell like after HOURS cleaning shoes...O.o *Gets out noseplug*  
  
*Yusuke, Jin, and Hiei reappear*  
  
Hiei: *Growls and grabs his katana* I REFUSE TO DRESS LIKE A NINGEN GIRL!  
  
Twilight: *Randomly...is there* Shaddup. You're not a major character in this fic.  
  
Hiei: O_O! WHAT? *Slashes Twilight*  
  
Crystal: *Is also randomly there* She's right, Hiei. Sheila and Lexie would have a fit. Especially Lexie. *Imagines Lexie burning hundreds of pounds of manga* Yup, that's about what she'd do. *Suddenly leaves the room*  
  
Harry: Where'd she go?  
  
Starlighter: Who cares? Just shaddup and pay attention. Anyway, class, today we will be learning how to defend ourselves against the Evil Sheep of Doom!  
  
Lexie: *Pops up outta nowhere* There is no way to defend yourself against the Evil Sheep of Doom!  
  
Starlight: *Bends down and whispers in Lexie's ear*  
  
Lexie: OOOOOOOOOH...*Eyes Malfoy, smirking* OKAY!  
  
Starlight: OKAY, let's get started! Who would like to volunteer to go first?  
  
Malfoy: *Whispers* What kind of a ditzy teacher is thi-  
  
Starlight: Alright! Malfoy, isn't it? We have a volunteer! Come on up, Dracie Poo!  
  
Malfoy: HOW DARE YOU!!! *Charges towards Starlight*  
  
Evil Sheep of doom: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! *Headbutts Malfoy*  
  
Malfoy: That sheep looks familiar...*Faints*  
  
Pansy: So, how do we defend ourselves against that thing?  
  
Starlight: You have to learn by yourselves, Pansy! Can anyone tell me why?  
  
Hermione: *Hand shoots up*  
  
Starlight: Yes, Mrs. Granger?  
  
Hermione: So we have...erm...experience in a sudden attack by a creature we have never seen before, and this creature-who-must-not-be-named is a way to teach us how to suddenly defend ourselves?  
  
Starlight: *tilts head* Erm...too long and too complicated for me to understand, so...  
  
Slytherins: *Sniggering* *Whispering* GASP! Hermione got a question wrong!  
  
Starlight: So, since your answer is so complicated the TEACHER could not understand it, twenty points to Gryffindor, and Gryffindors may leave class now!  
  
Slytherins: O.O  
  
Legolas: And what of us?  
  
Starlight: You guys stay and help the Slytherins fight the Evil Sheep of Doom. Bye, class! Be sure to leave on time!  
  
Everyone still in class: *Curses at teacher who's name they do not yet know*  
  
Crystal: *Appears outta nowhere* BUT WHAT ABOUT HIEI, JIN, AND YUSUKE?  
  
Starlight: *Smiles wickedly* Jin and Yusuke, stay behind, Hiei is dismissed.  
  
Crystal/Jin/Yusuke: O.O NOT FAIR!!!  
  
Starlight: Tough.  
  
Hiei: Hmph. Fools. *Disappears*  
  
Crystal: *Disappears as well*  
  
Yusuke: I hate you. -.-  
  
Starlight: That's nice.  
  
Crystal: *Reappears, burning thousands of dictionaries*  
  
Lexie: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Hikaru: *Appears out of nowhere* I WANNA SEE HIKARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!  
  
Sheila: *Shoves Hikaru in a box* Go away. This is supposed to be a HP/LOTR crossover. *Glares at Crystal*  
  
Lexie: ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!! 


	4. Sword Wielding Hippies

A/N: This chapter was written by Kamaria, Celtic Goddess of Twilight, Starlight Quilltwiner, and Crystal Roses.  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Crystal: We own nothing! Honest! ^-^;;  
  
~~~  
  
Lexie: Okay, now, first of all, let's make the ditzy blonde a ditzy bald guy. *Legolas' hair disappears* And now, Pansy, since you do ballet so terribly, you can go first!  
  
Pansy: Accio! *Tries and fails to summon the Evil Sheep of Doom*  
  
Lexie: ROAAAAAARRRRR!!! *Knocks out all Slytherins* Tut, tut! A hundred points from Slytherin for falling asleep in class! Now, as for you, Starlight...*Grows really big and Starlight shrinks down to mini-size* THE EVIL SHEEP OF DOOM DOES NOT DO THE KILLING! I DO THAT! Oh, yeah, Aragorn, you'd look much better in rainbow...*Aragorn's hair turns into a rainbow clown wig, and is now wearing a pink dress, as is Legolas*  
  
Sheila: NOOOOOO!!! *Can't fix it*  
  
Lexie: YEEEEEEESSSSSS!!! Now, time for Quidditch, where I am the teacher! Whopeeeee!  
  
~~~On the Quidditch field~~~  
  
Lexie: I am Professor Marrgoeffleubomm, and as a new Hogwarts regulation, you all have to ride through these flaming hoops and every time you hit one, your team loses a point. This will add up. Slytherin first!  
  
Malfoy: I'll go, Professor! *Hits all fifty hoops* That wasn't fair!!!  
  
Lexie: Yes it was!! Go sit on the bench!! *Malfoy sits on the bench and grows long pink curly hair*  
  
*All the other Slytherins hit all fifty hoops, and now they are in the negative 10,000,000's*  
  
Lexie: Tsk, tsk! Did I mention that for every hoop you go through, you gain a point? Gryffindors, go, Hermione first!  
  
Hermione: *Flies through all the hoops easily, as do all other Gryffindors*  
  
Lexie: Okay, this is unfair, so you'll only get an extra 100 points!! Now, let's watch snape do it!!  
  
Snape: I am good at this!! *Hits all hoops--twice*  
  
Lexie: PTTTTT!!! *Blows a raspberry and flies through all the hoops, three times backwards* Off to Transfiguration!!  
  
~~~In transfiguration~~~  
  
Twilight: I will teach you how to turn Slytherins into woks! So, everyone draw a number from my wok! Slytherins, draw a green slip, and Gryffindors, take a red one. Now, match up! *Gryffindors and Slytherins match up*  
  
Harry: Excellent! I get to turn Malfoy into a frying pan! *Gets hit by wok*  
  
Twilight: It's called a WOK!  
  
Harry: Sorry!  
  
Twilight: Now, say "Wokkius Makarious" and hit the person five times, then kick them!  
  
*All Gryffindors turn the Slytherins into green woks, and start hitting the woks on everything*  
  
Twilight: Now, turn them back into humans with "Wokkius Endious."  
  
Slytherins: OUCH!! *All bruised and battered*  
  
Twilight: Now, for the next lesson in Transfiguration! But first...*Feeds Jin omelettes*  
  
Jin: Yuuuuuuuum!  
  
Twilight: *Is bored of omelette* GIVE ME CUSTARD!  
  
Benjin: *Appears* One great place to get good custard is in Rhode Island, and another is in Missouri. *Disappears*  
  
Starlight: *Randomly starts singing "Hello"* *The sky turns grey and all of a sudden life seems to suck to everyone* *Crystal appears outta nowhere and feeds everyone chocolate*  
  
Starlight: NO!!! YOU RUINED THE EFFECT OF HELLO!  
  
Harry: *Tries to talk, but can't open his mouth* GMGMGMGGGGGGGGGGMMMMM!!!!!!!!  
  
Starlight: *Sighs* That's better. Twilight, go on with your lesson.  
  
Twilight: Anyway, now we will learn how to transform eggs into...*Thrilling music plays*  
  
Hermione: Oh, Lordy, this is not going to be good.  
  
Twilight: Custard! =D  
  
Everyone: -_-'  
  
Twilight: Say "Custardius Changius." *Eggs turn into custard* Yay! Custard! *Starts gobbling it all up*  
  
Hiei: This is degrading.  
  
Yusuke: This is making me hungry.  
  
Harry: We've never had classes this...interesting before.  
  
Hermione: It's terrible! We're not learning anything!  
  
Starlight: YOU'RE LEARNING HOW TO MAKE CUSTARD YOU IDIOT!!! *Bounces up and down* Is it lemon?? I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooove lemon custard!  
  
Yusuke: *Blinks* What's custard?  
  
Crystal: Yeah, I've heard of it, but I've never had it or seen it.  
  
Twilight: ^____^ Custard!  
  
Starlight: *Eats lemon custard* *Kills Hiei*  
  
Crystal: *GASP!* WHAT KIND OF FANGIRL ARE YOU??  
  
Twilight: Rabid.  
  
Starlight: I'm not exactly a Hiei fangirl anymore. I met him in another dimension. We talked. He was cool. ^-^  
  
Crystal: If he's cool, why'd you kill him? o.O  
  
Starlight: *Brings him back to life* I dunno, I felt like it. *Gets into a fight with Hiei*  
  
Hermione: You're our teachers! You aren't supposed to fight!  
  
Hiei: *Glares at Hermione*  
  
Starlight: *Glares at Hermione*  
  
Hermione: *Has the nervous feeling Hiei will kill her* *Hides behind a book*  
  
Yusuke: Get on with this stupid thing already!  
  
Twilight: LEGOLAS, QUIT BRUSHING YOUR HAIR!  
  
Legolas: O_O *Hides the brush* I was doing no such thing!  
  
Crystal: Wow, you should really get together with Kurama and talk about your hair. *Snaps and Kurama appears, brushing his hair*  
  
Kurama: O_O What?! *Hides the brush*  
  
Starlight: *Starts talking to Hiei* *Kisses Hiei on the cheek*  
  
Yusuke: *Takes multiple pictures of Starlight kissing Hiei* All the wonderful blackmail...  
  
Starlight: I only kissed his cheek!!!!  
  
Hiei: *Kills Yusuke*  
  
Yusuke: *Comes back to life* Why not kill her?  
  
Hiei: *Glares*  
  
Starlight: I have a name y'know! STARLIGHT, I TELL YOU, STARLIGHT!  
  
Legolas/Kurama: *Discussing the pros and cons of wearing your hair in a ponytail vs. wearing it down*  
  
Twilight: *Is bored and starts discussing with Legolas and Kurama* Yeah, it works if you put it in a ponytail, but it's even neater if you braid it.  
  
Legolas: You can braid your own hair! Wow!  
  
Twilight: It's not that hard. All you have to do is separate it like so...*Demonstrates*  
  
Kurama/Legolas/Twilight: *Start talking really fast about different hairstyles*  
  
Hiei/Sheila: *Discussing ways to kill people*  
  
Crystal: *Joins in with Hiei and Sheila cause she's feeling pissed*  
  
Hermione: STOPIT! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LEARNING STUFF! o____O  
  
Starlight: *Kills Hermione*  
  
Ron: *Tries to kill Starlight*  
  
Hermione: *Comes back to life* That was very dangerous! But I learned a lot! O.o  
  
Everyone but Starlight/Hermione/Hiei: O.o  
  
Starlight: *Looks at Hiei*  
  
Yusuke: *Eyes camera*  
  
Malfoy: This is stupid. I'm going back to the common room.  
  
Starlight: *Eyes start glowing, charter marks appear outta nowhere*  
  
Malfoy: *Catches fire*  
  
Starlight: Sit, fool!  
  
Malfoy: *Yelps* *Sits*  
  
Twilight: *Is bored of talking about hair* *Drags Legolas and Kurama over to discussion about killing people*  
  
Legolas: The most people I've killed in one session was...*Counts on fingers* 124 people! *Smug smile* One more than Gimli.  
  
Gimli: Hmph.  
  
Twilight: *Eyes light up* Hehehe.  
  
Kenshin: *Appears*  
  
Twilight: *Pounces on him and ties him up*  
  
Kenshin: Oro?!  
  
Twilight: Ha! I will torture you, sword-wielding hippie, by making you listen to our conversation about...KILLING! *Evil, sinister music plays*  
  
Kenshin: Oro?!  
  
Twilight: You heard me! KI-*Starlight smothers her* *Holy music plays* *Breaks loose* Damare!  
  
Crystal: No! Better ideas! Let's make Kenshin dress like a REAL hippie! ^_______^  
  
Lexie: NO! NO HIPPIES!  
  
Crystal/Starlight/Twilight: *Not listening to Lexie*  
  
Crystal: I'll take hair!  
  
Starlight: I'll take wardrobe!  
  
Twilight: I'll take...um...OTHER STUFF! =D  
  
Crystal/Starlight/Twilight: *Get to work*  
  
Lexie: Grr...NO HIPPIES! HIPPIES BAD!  
  
Kenshin: ^-^x;; There's no need for this, that there isn't!  
  
Starlight: *Finishes wardrobe*  
  
Kenshin: ^-^x;;  
  
Starlight/Hiei: *Leaves room*  
  
*Fighting noises heard from outside*  
  
Yusuke: *Leaves room* *Comes back, laughing* I need my camera...Hiei fighting a girl...  
  
Starlight: *Enters room* *Slaps Yusuke* That felt good. Now...*Sets Hiei in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean* *Calls all the animals to attack him*  
  
Kurama: Fire and water, interesting combination...  
  
Starlight: *Tries to kill Kurama* COMBINATION??? WHAT THE HECK???  
  
Hiei: *Reappears* Hn. Baka ningen.  
  
Starlight: AAARGH!!! *Fights with Hiei* *Tries to kill him*  
  
Yusuke: *Returns, severely injured, chibified* *Un-chibifies* *Looks at Starlight and Hiei fighting* Wasn't that girl a Hiei fangirl?  
  
Starlight: *Kills Yusuke for calling her "that girl"*  
  
Yusuke: Stop doing that!  
  
Starlight: No. And I'm not necessarily a fangirl.  
  
Yusuke: *Eyes developed film*  
  
Starlight: *Hisses* AVADA KE-  
  
Hermione: *Gasps* That's an unforgivable curse!  
  
Starlight: *Glares at Yusuke and Hiei* All the more reason to use it...*Hisses at both of them*  
  
Hiei: Fool. You cannot kill me.  
  
Starlight: Oh really? Watch me.  
  
Hiei: *Dodges Starlight, lunges to attack*  
  
Starlight: *Dodges Hiei, lunges to attack*  
  
*And so on....*  
  
Everyone but Hiei, Starlight, and the class: -_-;;  
  
Class: O.O  
  
Crystal: *Wonders what the heck Starlight's problem is for doing such stupid stuff* *Finishes Kenshin's hair, which is now down by his side and has a hippie headband-thing in it*  
  
Twilight: *Starts playing with Kenshin's hair*  
  
Bell: *Riiiiiing*  
  
Harry: o____O Since when were there bells at Hogwarts?  
  
Twilight: Since you lost your mind.  
  
Harry: Oh...WAIT, I NEVER LOST MY MIND!  
  
Starlight: *While trying to kill Hiei* You keep thinking that...  
  
Hermione: *Very angry* WHAT KIND OF TEACHERS ARE YOU? WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING EDUCATIONAL!  
  
Ron: Don't jynx it, Hermione!  
  
Crystal: =D Onto charms! Let's go!  
  
~~~  
  
Crystal: Alright, alright. Today we will learn the Conjuring Charm! All you hafta do is snap your fingers, and the person of your choice will appear. Observe! *Snaps her fingers and Kira and Rei appear*  
  
Kira: Rei!  
  
Rei: Kira! *Kira and Rei hug*  
  
Yusuke: Ooh! Ooh! I know who I wanna summon! *Snaps fingers and nothing happens* -_- It's not working.  
  
Crystal: o____O That's because you can't do it. Only the authors can.  
  
Yusuke: THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF TELLING US THAT?!  
  
Hermione: So that we would have the knowledge. Knowledge is power!  
  
Yusuke: -_- But it ain't doin' me any good.  
  
Crystal: I'll do it for you. *Snaps fingers and Keiko appears*  
  
Keiko: *Looks frightened* Where am I? *Looks around* Yusuke?  
  
Yusuke: Hey Keiko! ^____^  
  
Twilight: *Slays Keiko*  
  
Yusuke: Hey! What was that for?! *Double take* Oh well, now she can't hit me anymore.  
  
Keiko's Ghost: YUSUKE URAMESHI, YOU -BEEP-ING -BEEP- I AM GOING TO -BEEP- YOU -BEEP-!!!  
  
Twilight: *Races with Hiei to kill Keiko's Ghost* *Somehow gets there first*  
  
Everyone: YAY!  
  
Kira/Rei: *Blinkblink* ...  
  
Crystal: O.O Um...just start making out, okay?  
  
Rei: *Shrugs* Okay! *Kisses Kira*  
  
Starlight: THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A HP/LOTR CROSSOVER!  
  
Crystal: *Slaps the back of her head*  
  
Starlight: O.O MEEEEEEP!!!!  
  
Crystal: HEY!!! NOT FAIR! You said anime crossover in the title!  
  
Starlight: O.O BUT I WANNA SEE SNAPE DOING THE BALLET! *Snaps fingers*  
  
Snape: We represent the Lullaby League, the Lullaby League, the Lullaby League. And in the name of the Lullaby Leeaague, we wish to welcome you to munchkin land! *Pirouettes and bows*  
  
Starlight: That's getting boring. Do something else I command you!  
  
Snape: *Suddenly realizes he is wearing a tutu* *Faces turns purple* WHO DID THIS TO ME???  
  
Starlight: Eh...erm...LET'S WASH SNAPE'S HAIR!!!  
  
Crystal: Yeah!!!  
  
Starlight: *Gets out a bunch of shampoos* What flavor should we use? We have Ocean Breeze, Coconut, Honey and Milk, Cherry Blossom, Green Apple...  
  
Lexie: Let's use Cherry Blossom!  
  
Starlight: Yea! And let's curl his hair, too! And have Luna Lovegood style it!  
  
Luna: *Pops up outta nowhere* What should I do?  
  
Starlight: Oh, shuddup and wait your turn. *Rinses Snape's hair* Lalalalalala...Hey Twilight, why don't ya sing while we're washing Snape's hair?  
  
Twilight: Sure! Of course! *In a deep, low singing voice* Down by the bay...  
  
Crystal: *Covers Twilight's mouth* I have a better idea! If you want singing...*Snaps fingers*  
  
Kenshin: *Starts doing the disco against his will* Oo-sha-la-la-oo-oo-sha- la-la-la...Breakout, two thousand-00 purple pokemon knockin on my door...So free now, I'm flippin' trippin' cartwheels in the breeze now...Like never before...My life is so wild like a child in a candy store...It's the same, so strange, like a game or a boy...You really got me going...You got me so I don't know what I'm doin'...Disco hippie got his head in the sand...Disco hippie got the world in his hand...Suppa sonic technotronic machine...! 


End file.
